Loving Through Your Differences
Building Strong Relationships From Separate Realities
Many couples start out believing they like the same things, see people the same way, and share a united take on the world. Inevitably, though, differences are found and it can be profoundly discouraging when we discover that our partners see a person, life situation, or important decision completely differently.
While this is the point at which most relationships flounder, in Loving through Your Differences: Building Strong Relationships from Separate Realities, psychologist and relationship consultant James Creighton explains that this time of disillusionment can actually be an opportunity to forge stronger and more realistic ties.
“There comes a time, even in the most harmonious relationships, when we discover that hidden beneath those qualities that initially attracted us to the other person, there are differences that set us apart. We may have fundamentally different ideas about how to raise kids, spend money, or handle relationships with friends or relatives. We may have fundamentally different reactions to physical closeness or sexuality,” writes Creighton. “When, inevitably, this leads to conflict, we come face to face with the issue at the center of almost every human relationship: how to share our lives even though we sometimes experience separate realities.”
Loving through Your Differences begins by drawing on the latest research in cognitive science and developmental psychology to show how we literally invent our realities with our perceptual minds. Creighton then offers readers clear, concrete tools for shifting their perceptions and reframing their responses. The result moves couples out of the fear and alienation of “your way or my way” and into a deep understanding of the other that allows for an “our way” to emerge. As Creighton shows - and his 50-year marriage attests - this way of being together, based on the reality of individuality rather than the illusion of sameness, sets the stage for long term excitement, discovery, and fulfillment.
“My suggestion to couples is that both of you first read the entire book and then talk over how much of it you think applies to the two of you,” writes Creighton. “The critical element is whether you both understand that you participate in creating your own emotional reality and believe that it is possible to find new ways to interpret events that accommodate both of you.”
About the Author: James L. Creighton, PhD, is the author of Loving through Your Differences and several other books. He has worked with couples and conducted communications training for nearly 50 years around the world. He lives in Kihei, Hawaii. Visit him online at http://www.james1creighton.com.
Loving Through Your Differences by James L. Creighton, PhD
• 208 pages • $15.95 • ISBN 978-1-60868-566-0
Book Release from New World Library